I was thinking along these lines, too, Patti.... The first thing that came to my mind was Gatto's essay about the seven lesson school teacher. Lesson #5 is "Intellectual Dependency: Good students wait for a teacher to tell them what to do. It is the most important lesson, that we must wait for other people, better trained than ourselves, to make the meanings of our lives. The expert makes all the important choices; only I, the teacher, can determine what my kids must study... Successful children do the thinking I assign them with a minimum of resistance and a decent show of enthusiasm. Of the millions of things of value to study, I decide what few we have time for... Curiosity has no important place in my work, only conformity. Bad kids fight this... Fortunately there are tested procedures to break the will of those who resist... Think of what might fall apart if children weren't trained to be dependent."

When people ask me about our philosophy of learning, I often get the response, "But don't kids need to learn that there are things they just have to do? We can't go through life doing only what we feel like doing." These people are always surprised when I agree with them. Of course there are things that the kids have to do, like brushing their teeth, going to bed at a decent hour, doing their chores, coming along on family outings, using good manners, and plenty of other things. I expected the kids to obey me when I asked them to do something, and they certainly didn't always feel like doing what I asked of them. The skeptics can't comprehend that kids learn math on their own because they want to, they learn grammar, work on their writing, study history and science topics, and they learn all these things in depth. No one thinks that kids will want to learn these things. Maybe because these doubters learned to do things when they were told, they can't comprehend that a child could actually want to learn something that, for them, was enforced, dull, and dry. This is evidence of how very well "schooled" we are.

Anyway, I agree that there are some people who really can't be convinced with words and maybe they never will be convinced. That's okay. We do not need people to support us to validate this type of learning. When we started homeschooling in the late 80s, I didn't meet another homeschooler for almost a year. Most people had never heard of it and were very, very skeptical of the idea -- they thought it was nuts. Now homeschooling is quite acceptable, but unschooling is not, so we're still dealing with skepticism. As the kids grow older and the fruit of this learning is quite apparent, many of the skeptics change their tune. Still, there are others who really don't want to accept it, so nothing will change their minds. My brother's concerns about homeschooling have evolved over the years from:
1) Your not a certified teacher (his wife is) so your kids will not learn.
2) Okay, your kids seem to be learning, but they will be social misfits. They won't know what to do around other kids. (He somehow didn't notice the ten or more neighborhood kids who flocked to our house as soon as they climbed off the school bus.)
3) Your kids seem to be doing okay for now, but I guarantee they will resent you for homeschooling and rebel when they are older.
4) Anyone can probably homeschool in the elementary years, but when you get to jr. high and high school level math and science, you'll be lost.
5) (Later-- when the kids are learning upper level math and science completely on their own)... The problem with homeschooled kids is that they get so far ahead of public schooled kids that they will become arrogant and think they are better than others.

So, you see, with some you can't win. I do think the best way to handle criticism is to listen politely and avoid defensive reactions. Some will come around and some won't. If they are really curious to know more, they will ask honest questions. Then I will answer very briefly unless I'm sure they want more than a brief answer. When someone is strongly accusing and critical, "a soft answer turns away wrath."

It takes vision to relax/unschool. There is not a lot of instant gratification. If we are certain that this is the way the Lord has led us to homeschool, then we can confidently walk this path even if we are utterly alone. But "without a vision, a people perish."

-- Susan (SDLaBounty@aol.com)